• Lebu

Making permanent decisions based on temporary emotions

I'm pretty sure we have all heard this phrase before in our lives and it is generally used with reference to relationships we have with people. The phrase goes 'making permanent decisions based on temporary emotions'. I am here to tell you to have that same mentality with regards to your academics.

So what I mean by making permanent decisions based on temporary emotions regarding your academics is with reference to choosing your modules. Because for every decision you make and how you choose to react to it, has life changing consequences.

This started in first year for me, when my friends and I had to go into our individual streams. I had one extra module than my friends which meant I had less time than them and I didn't like that at all to the point where I made a declaration to always have an easy way out regarding my academics - as if that was ever going to help me in life🙄. This is the first mistake I made. I made a decision based on the fear that I'll be alone in this extra class.

I then made the decision in the first year of my triple major not to take Psychology research modules because I wouldn't be doing Psychology honours. Well, that's what I told people but truthfully I just didn't want to be alone and I wanted to avoid the extra workload I would be faced with by myself. I must say this helped reduce my anxiety for a very long time. Little did I know I was limiting my choices by making a decision based on a temporary emotion: FEAR 😨.

At the end of first year, I failed my Genetics module. This was the first time in my life I had failed something in school. So I was pissed off at everything and everyone. I decided to make another declaration: I hate genetics, therefore; I will not be doing Genetics Honours like I had originally planned. This little decision lead me to having a very toxic relationship with the module in my second year, to the point where I dropped it intending to start over the next year. Now this meant I'm putting all my eggs into one basket. Hectic🤐😬.

Second year came with its own troubles as I battled with the loss of family members and family drama. I had a lot going on in my personal life. Unlike now, I wasn't seeing a therapist to deal with it all. Needless to say, I didn't perform well that year. I ended up repeating the year. At this point I was like "Girl, you need to reconcile your thoughts regarding these genetics modules because they could be the reason you don't see final year". And with that began the love-hate relationship I have with all my modules and yes, you guessed right, I performed really well all because I changed my attitude.

Third year rolls around and I'm ready to take the bull by the horns. That is until I meet the devil himself in the form of Genetics 354. That module dragged me by my teeth through hell. My hate and battle with it didn't help my anxiety and ultimately it began affecting my whole academic career. I ended up under performing in my other modules as my sole focus was on fighting with the devil. Yes, I passed my first semester modules, but that module had literally left me so traumatised that I wanted the easiest final semester ever.

So I decided not to take any electives (another decision that was made on temporary emotions). I dropped a Genetics elective in second semester after attending one class. I was just like "I won't suffer like this, I'm out". Now this meant that I had narrowed down the possible Honours programmes I could apply for .

I disqualified myself from the Genetics and Psychology Honours study programmes at UP all in the name of fear which resulted in very few available options. There was a month left for Honours applications and I was scrambling, trying to find loopholes to my very limited academic path. Thankfully God came through for me by helping find another way to increase my options.

Moral of the story is to take the time to do research into what your future looks like, what you need to achieve that future and never make decisions based on fear ever. Everyone has their own path, don't go along with what is easier. Easy doesn't always mean best .

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