To be honest, I really do not know what I am doing (shh, please do not tell my parents 😊 )……
Updated: May 24
If you had asked me in my first year, what I thought this moment would feel like, I would have probably had a different response to what it actually was.
I can still remember this day like it was yesterday. Well not the actual graduation, but the moment I found out that I had passed FLG 332 ( some Physiology module). I can remember this moment because my friend and I were so scared that we might have failed this module that when we saw that WhatsApp notification: “marks are out”, we jumped on that very hard res bed ( lol), we were so happy that this was finally over.
The BSc nightmare was over. I was awake. It was morning... the Bible says joy comes in the morning, in my case, fear came. This was fear that I had for the whole year. Now what? What am I going to do for the rest of my life? Why does a 3 or 4 year degree determine the rest of my life?
Is this REALLLY it?
This took me back first year. I can still remember the first day on campus, it seemed so foreign, the atmosphere was so different. I am a small town girl from the dusty Free State so moving to Pretoria was one hell of an experience.
Oh boy, I had been dreaming about freedom since grade 10, I had a long list of things I wanted to do in varsity, get a tattoo, find a potential husband( lol that didn’t happen), go to the wildest parties ( I think I went to one or two, haha) and lastly, get a damn degree...
Well, the only thing I was able to obtain was the degree( well two 😊 ). I think after a week of being in Hatfield, I quickly realized that if I wanted to get this degree in record time, there were sacrifices that I had to make, I do not regret any decision I made because it was honestly, the best thing I did for myself. However, I regret not changing degrees after I realized that maybe a BSc isn’t the right choice for someone like me, I would have honestly been happier doing some other health science course.
Well, you see, I was not any different from most BSc students, the aim was to at least do one year of BSc, get into medicine, get my MBChB degree, work at a rural hospital in KZN or EC and later on, either specialize in maternal-foetal medicine or oncology. I’ve always wanted to live a meaningful life, a life where I could positively contribute to “healing” people. I guess one would say that being a scientist can do that, but as an individual who loves interacting with people, working in a lab just wasn’t gonna cut it for me.
Unfortunately, none of that has happened yet. I use the word yet, because I have come to the realization that we do not always get to have all the pieces of the puzzle when we want them to, so I am open. Open to dreaming again. Open to allowing myself to fall and get back up. Open to the possibility that just because I have not found my passion now, doesn’t mean that I will never find it….